In Bed Wif Frodo
by Auska
Summary: Co written wif The Queen of the Underworld! Frodo runs a talk show giving advice to other LotR characters! Please Read and Review!
1. Love confessions

We don't own LotR (pout) only the plot. If you don't like it bugger off! If you do, that's good!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In bed with Frodo  
  
The scene begins in a small, claustrophobic's nightmare, size room. In a big red chair sat a Hobbit, but not just any Hobbit, he was evil. Oops you weren't meant to know that (grins innocently). Anyhoo, this little bundle of hobbity goodness was about to start his brand new talk back show. It was cheekily titled in 'bed with Frodo' (very misleading if you ask me). Said cute Hobbit pulled out a large clipboard with a fluoro-pink notepad attached.  
  
"Hello ladies, gentlemen, elves and retards. I mean dwarfs! Welcome to 'In Bed with Frodo', a talk show where I Frodo Baggins give people advice!" said the Hobbit as he fiddled with. His hair.  
  
The cameraman then gave him the cue and Frodo excitedly announced the first guest. "Our first guest for this evenings, thing, is Saruman the White." As he said that the director held up a sign to Frodo which informed him of information.  
  
"I have just been informed that Saruman has been stripped of his White-ness leaving him Saruman the disgruntled."  
  
Onto the set walks, actually shuffles Saruman. He drags his feet and looks gloomily at the ground.  
  
"Hiya Saruman!" greets the hobbity host delightfully. Saruman simply grunts and slumps into the blue seat opposite Frodo.  
  
"So what seems to be troubling you old Wizardy friend?"  
  
"Well for the past 2-3 ages I have been wearing the same hairdo. I know it's my trademark style but I just wish that I could look.. Spiffier!" sighed Saruman sadly.  
  
Frodo wiped an imaginary tear from his cheek. "A touching tale!"  
  
"Well? Have you got any advice for me?" asked Saruman eyeing Frodo's brown curls enviously.  
  
"Oh right. Erm well for starters you could invest in a hairbrush. That should rid you of those horrible tangles and etc. Next become friends with an elf. Everyone is going for elven hairdo's even the hobbits!" the camera shoots to a group of young Hobbit girls sitting in the audience with Elrond style hairdo's.  
  
"Another thing, I suggest this," Frodo hands a magazine over to Saruman and he reads the large pink writing.  
  
"Cosmo girl: Hair and Make-up magazine?"  
  
"It's got great tips on keeping your hair nice and shiny and prevent greys, though it seems a waste to start worrying about that now!"  
  
With great excitement Saruman frolicked off stage.  
  
"Well our next guest is a dashing young man from Mirkwood who." Frodo stopped short when an angry cry of  
  
"I'M AN ELF!" could be heard coming from side stage.  
  
"Yeah same thing, please welcome Legolas Greenleaf!"  
  
As the blonde elfy git walked proudly onto stage the girls in the audience wet themselves with excitement. (We know this cause the janitor complained after the show bout having to clean it up!)  
  
"So Legolas I believe you have problems in the lurve department," said Frodo picking up a pen.  
  
"Ah. Erm. You could say that," said Legolas turning a lovely shade of red.  
  
"Well, tell us about it then,"  
  
"Well Frodo there's this person, who shall remain nameless, who I like. I don't know how to get them to like me back. HELP ME FRODO!!!!" Legolas shouted in distress.  
  
"Well tell us about this person," said Frodo twirling his hair around his finger. 'It's me I just know it is!' he thought grinning.  
  
Despite being worried about Frodo's sudden trance and evil grinning Legolas answered the question. "Well he's."  
  
"HE'S?????!!!!!" asked Frodo pretending to be shocked (but really excited)  
  
"Did I say that?"  
  
"I believe so!"  
  
"Oh well you may as well know. He is charming, handsome, brave, he has a huge.. talent, he's so understanding, but"  
  
".Yes."  
  
"He has one!" Legolas grinned from ear to ear before adding "A rather nice one at that."  
  
"So what do you want to say to him?" asked Frodo.  
  
"That I love him and I hope he loves me in return,"  
  
"I DO!" shouted Frodo standing on the big red chair triumphantly.  
  
". Erm Frodo. It's Aragorn.. I mean, ahh, umm, not you!"  
  
At that moment the king of Gondor came running on stage like he was being chased by a blackrider and jumped on Legolas' lap.  
  
"HELLO!"  
  
Legolas sat speechless (and squashed). Frodo stood alone and embarrassed.  
  
"Yes.. I knew all along it was Strider, I just wanted you to admit that. Yes that's what I was doing!!!!" Said Frodo nervously. "Well it was!"  
  
As Legolas and Aragorn walked off hand in hand (Gasp! Wait till St Mary's here's about this!) Frodo slowly sunk into his trust chair and began to wrap up the show.  
  
"Well thank you Legolas.. And Aragorn. Oh and Saruman. Well today we learnt that the hairstyles of an old man can damage his self-esteem and also that love conquers all! (Unfortunately). Join me next week when my guests are Pippin Took, Gimli and Elrond. Hope to see you then, Good bye for now!"  
  
The audience then file out of the studio leaving Frodo alone.  
  
"It was a good show today Mr Frodo!" said Samwise running over to him.  
  
"Thank you Sam,"  
  
"You were really fantastic Mr Frodo,"  
  
"Thank you Sam,"  
  
"You handled their problems really well Mr Frodo,"  
  
"Thank you Sam,"  
  
"Am I talking too much Mr Frodo?"  
  
"Yes Sam!"  
  
If anyone has any ideas about Pippin, Gimli or Elrond's problem that they could share with us, that would be heaps appreciated. Please Read and Review!!! 


	2. Fear of hobbits

We still are yet to claim ownership on the LotR Characters but we are working on it! Again if you don't like it no one's forcing you to read it. If you do please review. Thanx for all the reviews. If you can't tell I'm being a smart-ass.  
  
*Note: No dwarves were harmed in the making of this fanfic.  
  
Frodo sits in his big red chair drawing naked pics of Legolas. As he scribbled away he was unaware of the fact that the camera's had indeed started rolling.  
  
"This would be so much easier if Lego agreed to model for me!" he muttered to himself.  
  
"Erm Frodo." hissed the director "We're on air!"  
  
"AH SHIT!" screamed Frodo throwing his note pad and sitting up straight.  
  
"Well ladies and gentlemen we begin this intelligence insulting episode with a rather annoying character who often claims 'no one tosses a dwarf!' To see if this is indeed true we have brought him on the show to degrade and embarrass him. Oh and he probably has a question he'd like to ask me as well!"  
  
The crowd clapped and clapped and clapped some more but said scary dwarf did not appear.  
  
"Erm Gimli, your on buddy," called Frodo impatiently. Then from side stage Gimli came crawling on all fours until he reached the now purple chair and hid behind it.  
  
As the whole crowd raised an eyebrow at this extremely peculiar behaviour, Frodo could come up with nothing to say!  
  
"Erm.. Gimli. I can assure u the chair is quite comfortable!" said Frodo. But there was no err tossing that dwarf! He was staying right where he was.  
  
"Let me guess, you have a fear of crowds. That's why you came to see me right!" said Frodo smiling smugly and thinking "psychic as well!"  
  
"Er no, my problem is I'm afraid of Hobbits!" said Gimli shyly. The crowd erupted with laughter and the Frodo tried not to laugh as well.  
  
"Afraid of Hobbits, Gimli?"  
  
"Yeah! It's there feet! I figure something with feet as hairy as that can't be good!"  
  
"HEY! Cried Frodo defensively. What's wrong with my feet?"  
  
"LOOK AT THEM! Not only are they massive in proportion to the rest of your body but they smell and the hair! OH THE HAIR!"  
  
"Well I tried to shave my feet once but when the hair grows back it's all stiff and icky!" said Frodo rubbing his feet affectionately.  
  
"Well u should try wax!" said Gimli coming slowly out from behind the chair and sitting on it. "It works wonders!" he then lifted the leg of his breeches and showed off his silky smooth and hair free legs.  
  
"What do you use?" asked Frodo in awe.  
  
"I use NADS! It's an effective but pain-free way of removing that unwanted hair EVEN from the most delicate of areas like.."  
  
"THAT'S ENOUGH! Thank you Gimli!" shuddered Frodo.  
  
"Wait you didn't help me with my problem!" asked Gimli getting a bit more relaxed.  
  
"Ok so you don't like hobbity feet. You could try wearing something like them for a day. It'll prove to you hobbits aren't bad and their feet are cool. Either that or you could just stay away from hobbits," suggested Frodo.  
  
"Why didn't I think of that?" asked Gimli scratching at the fleas in his hair.  
  
"Because you're a dirty little dwarf," mumbled Frodo.  
  
"What was that?" asked Gimli.  
  
"Nothing. Ok thank you stupid dwarf I mean Gimli my old friend. Next we have. Pippin?" said Frodo looking more closely at the card. He shrugged and looked to the chair where the dwarf was still sitting.  
  
"Erm Gimli you have to move. Go off stage now."  
  
Gimli looked as if he was going to cry as he got out of the chair and left the stage. Pippin came onstage not long after the dwarf had left and sat down in the chair.  
  
"Hiya Frodo," he said cheerily.  
  
"Hi Pip. What's wrong with you?" asked Frodo.  
  
"Well I just started my period and you know that in the shire there isn't too much I can use so I thought since you're older you could help. Like what did you do?" asked Pip.  
  
"Pip? I don't think us guys get our period," said Frodo slightly confused.  
  
"Are you sure?" asked Pippin.  
  
"Positive. Maybe you should find a doctor or ask Gandalf," offered Frodo.  
  
"That smelly old wizard? Hell no! You don't know what he does! *Shudders* No you have to help me! Please Frodo," begged Pippin.  
  
"All right what about Elrond?" asked Frodo.  
  
"Those eyebrows are lethal."  
  
"Aragorn?"  
  
"Maybe after he has a bath."  
  
There was silence for a while as Frodo thought hard about who could help his cousin.  
  
"Celeborn?"  
  
"I can't even tell you what he did to me in Lothlorien. But let me just say my poor hobbity behind will never feel the same way again," said Pip miserably.  
  
"Arwen?"  
  
"Hmm yeah I'll try her. Thanks Frodo. You're really cool," said Pippin getting up and leaving.  
  
As Pippin walked off stage Frodo thought to himself. 'Must visit Celeborn soon.'  
  
"Well we'll take a short break and be back with our next guest, Lord Elrond!" Frodo announced.  
  
"Uh Frodo." Whispered the director.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"There are no breaks."  
  
"Shit!" Frodo turned back to the audience. "Please welcome Elrond."  
  
Elrond walked on with a see through bottle full of pink liquid and he seemed to be sniffing it with delight! He moved the chair closer to our little hobbity friend and sat down. Now Frodo was a bit uncomfortable.  
  
"Hello Frodo," said Elrond a little too friendly.  
  
"Please move," replied Frodo.  
  
Elrond didn't move.  
  
"So Elrond I hear one of the authors (Auska) has done all of Gimli. How do you feel about that?" asked Frodo.  
  
"Well I was hoping that I would be Gimli's one and only but if Auska is in love with him I'm happy for them. Is she?" asked Elrond.  
  
"Yes they're madly in love and they'll be married. soon," replied Frodo grinning evilly off stage at someone who happened to be Queen of the Underworld who he liked but who didn't like him that way. And contrary to popular belief is NOT a pervy hobbit fancier.  
  
"Ok so what exactly is your problem accept for the obvious?" asked Frodo.  
  
"Well I can't live without my strawberry bubble bath and its kind of annoying Arwen," said Eyebrows I mean Elrond.  
  
"SO kick her out on her ass or even marry her off to some stupid greasy git," said Frodo shrugging.  
  
"Hmm good idea. ARAGORN!" yelled Elrond offstage.  
  
Aragorn came walking onstage and walked over to Elrond and knelt before him.  
  
"Yes Lord Elrond?" he asked.  
  
"Cut the crap. You're marrying Arwen and the wedding's tomorrow," said Elrond while his eyebrows tried to escape from his face.  
  
"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I love Lego and erm I already married her. After the war remember?" said Aragorn.  
  
"Oh yeah. What happened with that?" asked Elrond.  
  
"She ran off with Glrofindel and had a child behind my back. Then she went ruinning back to you," said Aragorn refreshing his memory.  
  
"Fine I'll just kick her out of Rivendell. ARWEN!"  
  
Arwen came onstage and stood next to Elrond.  
  
"Yes Daddy?" she asked.  
  
"You can't stay in Rivendell anymore."  
  
"But why?" she whined.  
  
"Because you're an annoying little whore and I don't like you. That and I love strawberry bubble bath more than you."  
  
"Ok then," said Arwen with tears starting to stream down her face while she left the stage.  
  
Elrond and Aragorn grinned and Frodo turned to the audience.  
  
"Thank you Lord Elrond and Aragorn who turned out as a surprise guest. That's all we have time for this week. Next time Merry, Glorfindel, Galadriel and hopefully Celeborn will join us," said Frodo in a very hopeful voice when he said Celeborn.  
  
The cheesy music that signalled the end of the show came on and Frodo sighed and pulled out his pipe.  
  
"Thank God that's over," he said to Sam who came bounding out onto the stage when the show finished.  
  
"Great show Mister Frodo!" Sam said.  
  
"Uhuh I'm going home," sighed Frodo getting up out of the chair and pushing Sam aside as he went offstage.  
  
  
  
TBC  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Sorry to those who actually like Arwen. Actually we have nothing against the character but those who have both seen the movie and read the books will know she's not even in it till the last one and we HATE Liv fucking Tyler and yeah. So again I guess we're sorry.  
  
REVIEW!  
  
BTW Auska didn't do all of Gimli, In fact she didn't do ANY of Gimli! Anyways. 


	3. I talk to dead ppl

Again we don't own Lord of the Rings but oh how wonderful would it be to own Legolas.. Okay I got distracted for a minute there. * Slaps face * okay. Thanks to all reviewers. WE FINALLY FINISHED THIS CHAPTER YAY FOR US!  
  
'Hello and welcome once again to another gender bending episode of In Bed With Frodo. I am your host.err...Frodo.  
  
'Our first guest is the lovely, Charming, gorgeous, shagadelic, elfylicious Galadriel. Now this chic knows how to Shag!!!'  
  
'Err Frodo. Celeborn is here too," whispers the director from offstage.  
  
'Shit! Well welcome Celeborn too."  
  
Celeborn and Galadriel walk on looking ever the happy couple (not!).  
  
"Can you feel the love?" Frodo says sarcastically.  
  
"I thought it was only Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, Faramir, Elrond, Arwen, Aragorn, Master Sam, Gandalf, Thranduil, Thorondor, Saruman, Dumbledore, Mablung, Pippin, Merry, Mim, Groin, Gloin, Beren, Bilbo, Thingol, Olwë, Radagast, Sauron, Harry Yotter, (A.N Potter.) Sirion, (A.N yes she shagged a river) Urulóki, Lurtz, Fluffy the Balrog, Haldir, Huor, Galdor, Lothien, Lucius Malfoy, The Nazgûl, Isildur, Gil-galad, Eowyn, Hermoine Granger, Amroth, Appledore, Arathorn, Drogo, Barahir, Smeagol, Elendil, Eomir, Narsil, Tom Bombadil, Aragog, Nenya, Elanor, The Gaffer, Lobelia, Wormtongue, Theoden, -"  
  
"That's enough. We don't have that much time!"  
  
"But I wasn't even half way through yet."  
  
Frodo turned to the audience.  
  
"The lovely Galadriel and Celeborn are here today to work out some marriage issues with us isn't that right?" he asks.  
  
"Yes," mumbles Celeborn.  
  
"It's not that I want to be with all those people and.things. It's just well the truth is Celeborn can't.perform as well as he used to and it's very boring ruling Lothlorien when nothing bad happens," says Galadriel.  
  
"Oh so this is MY fault," asks Celeborn in disbelief.  
  
"No! It's me I can't help myself," says Galadriel to Celeborn. "Though it's not as if YOU haven't cheated on ME!"  
  
The audience gasps.  
  
"This is getting juicy." Frodo says evilly, rubbing his hands together.  
  
"Well you see, I met this. person and we kinda hit it off."  
  
"How did you meet them?" asked Frodo.  
  
"Using MY mirror!" Galadriel cut in.  
  
The Audience again gasped.  
  
"What that bird bath looking thing you made me look in?" asked Frodo puzzled.  
  
"It's not a bird bath, it's a powerful seeing tool. Thing.' Galadriel did her Pippin impersonation.  
  
"Okay so you can see in it but I didn't think you could use it to communicate."  
  
"It's just the way she looked at me." Celeborn said dreamily.  
  
"For one thing it could very well have been a HE you can never tell with orcs." Galadriel snapped.  
  
"Ewwwwwwww..." said the audience in unison  
  
"Maybe you should go to one of those rehab clinics for sex addicts," suggests Frodo. "And Celeborn you could get viagra."  
  
"I will NOT!" says Celeborn indignantly. He stands up and nearly knocks the chair over.  
  
"Yes you will," says Galadriel. "Thank you Frodo."  
  
Galadriel leads Celeborn offstage.  
  
Frodo turns to the audience.  
  
"Ok our next guest is my cousin Merry. Today I'm going to help him with." Frodo consults his clipboard. "Merry thinks he may have gotten a girl pregnant one night when he got drunk. Come on out Merry."  
  
Merry walks out onto the stage while waving to the crowd. He sits down in the chair Galadriel just left and turns to Frodo.  
  
"Welcome Merry. Tell us about your problem," suggests Frodo.  
  
"Well one night when Pip, Sam and me were at the pub we had a drinking competition. I remember going home with someone and shagging them rotten but when I woke up in the morning all I found was a note next to my pillow," says Merry.  
  
"What did the note say?"  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"That's all? Nothing else to say who it was from?" asks Frodo.  
  
"Nope just thanks," said Merry. "But a few weeks later Rosie Cotton's father was looking all over town for the hobbit who got his little girl pregnant. I think it was me!"  
  
"Well that is a problem. I know how pissed off Rosie's father was. He was ready to kill! Let's bring Rosie out," says Frodo.  
  
Rosie Cotton walks out onto the stage and sits in the seat next to Merry.  
  
"Rosie you've been listening from backstage. Do you remember that night?" asks Frodo.  
  
"I do and Merry," she turns to Merry "I did not go home with you. You did not get me pregnant so you don't have to worry. I remember you went home with Pippin and that's all. Perhaps you met someone on the way home."  
  
"Well at least you don't have to worry about that. Now all we need to know is who you *did* get with that night," says Frodo.  
  
Pippin walks very slowly out onto the stage.  
  
"I can answer that," he says embarrassed.  
  
"You didn't!" says Frodo in disgust.  
  
"No! Merry was so drunk that when I went to take him home I was finding it really difficult so on the way I asked for help. Sam was the one who helped me which was lucky because I thought he went home since he disappeared for an hour or two. Anyway so he helped me take Merry home and by the time we put him to bed he was babbling incoherently so we thought it would be funny if we put one of those inflatable ponies in the bed and see what happened. We set a camera up because we didn't want to stay and in the morning we took the camera and the pony away. We left the note pinned to his pillow and we were keeping the tape for his birthday," explains Pippin.  
  
Frodo is doubled over laughing but poor Merry looks as though he could cry.  
  
"I'm sorry Merry but it was funny," says Pip.  
  
"We have to leave it there because we have other guests. After the break we have Glorfindel," says Frodo with his best TV hosts smile at the camera.  
  
Frodo is fighting the laughter threatening to escape as Merry leaves the stage guided by Pippin and Rosie. He composes himself and waits for Glorfindel to seat himself and waits for the signal for the next segment.  
  
"Ok we're back with Glorfindel the elf. Welcome."  
  
A man has entered the studio and is now standing behind the cameraman.  
  
"Can I help you?" asks Frodo.  
  
"I'm sorry to interrupt but I'm John Edward from a show called 'Crossing Over' it's filmed in this studio. I have someone coming through with a message for you," the man says.  
  
"Really? Well come up here and share it with everyone," says Frodo enthusiastically.  
  
John comes up and sits in a chair brought up to him by a stagehand.  
  
"Thank you," he says. "Now do you understand how this works?"  
  
"No I don't," answers Frodo.  
  
"The person trying to talk to you will use my memories to show me what they want to say. I may interpret it wrong sometimes so you will have to correct me. I'm sure this message is for you or one of your friends. The person coming through is telling me a 'B' name. A very unusual 'B' name. Boromir or something."  
  
"Boromir! Oh my! He was one of my friends," says Frodo.  
  
"Ok he's showing me a river. Do you understand that?"  
  
Frodo nods.  
  
"And a horn of some sort. A sword and a ring. A gold engagement type ring. He's showing me the number nine. What's this?" asks John.  
  
"There were nine people who started out," says Frodo.  
  
"Ok now he's showing me a volcano type thing. Lots of fire," says John.  
  
Frodo nods again.  
  
"This is just a way of clarifying that this message is for you," says John. "He says he's sorry and that it wasn't your fault. And to congratulate you on winning something or saving something. Has any more of you friends died?" asks John.  
  
"No."  
  
"Someone starting with 'A'. He's showing me a crown," says John.  
  
"Aragorn but he's not dead," says Frodo.  
  
"Boromir's saying murder. Not murdered, murder. Maybe this is one that I miss interpret," says John. "OK he's showing you wearing a dress. And some other guy."  
  
"Oh dear."  
  
"And a female. No he's telling me it's male. He's got long blonde hair. He's cleaning blood off his hands in a river. There's someone next to him. Another man, this Aragorn maybe," says John.  
  
"Where is this going exactly?" asks Frodo raising his eyebrow.  
  
"I'm not sure. I'm only relaying the messages that Boromir is.. Oh good Lord!" John looks suddenly horrified.  
  
"What?" Frodo asks now very interested.  
  
"Oh this is very disturbing. I've never seen anything like this before in my life. Oh this is just. Terrifying!"  
  
"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU SEE!" Frodo shouts, the suspense getting to him.  
  
John sighed and opened his mouth to say what he saw.  
  
To Be Continued!  
  
Mwahahahaha. Please review! Also if you like this fic can you please read and review Harry Potter and the Fellowship of the Ring. Found in the same account as this fic! 


	4. the truth revealed

A/N: Thank you to all who reviewed. *drum roll* and now the moment you've all been waiting for. We will reveal. WHAT JOHN SAW..  
  
  
  
  
  
The audience is chatting excitedly as they wait patiently for Frodo to come on stage. The studio goes silent as said Hobbit walks out to his chair and sits down. He is given the signal and smiles at the camera, which is now on.  
  
  
  
"Hi and welcome to another episode of In Bed With Frodo," he says. "Today we have." He checks list that is on his lap.  
  
  
  
The cameraman is trying to get Frodo's attention by waving his hands around but when that doesn't seem to be working he throws a microphone at him.  
  
  
  
"Huh? What?"  
  
  
  
"We have to show the end of the last show," the cameraman whispers.  
  
  
  
  
  
"What are you talking about?" Frodo asks obviously pissed that a lowly cameraman is telling him how to run the show.  
  
  
  
  
  
"The home viewers don't know what Boromir showed Mr Edward," the cameraman answers.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh yes of course. For the viewers at home here's what happened after the show last week."  
  
  
  
  
  
Camera pans to back wall where there is a screen. Camera zooms in on the screen where the last few minutes of the last show is playing.  
  
  
  
"I'm not sure. I'm only relaying the messages that Boromir is.. Oh good Lord!" John looks suddenly horrified.  
  
  
  
  
  
"What?" Frodo asks now very interested.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh this is very disturbing. I've never seen anything like this before in my life. Oh this is just. Terrifying!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU SEE!" Frodo shouts, the suspense getting to him.  
  
  
  
  
  
John sighed and opened his mouth to say what he saw.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh dear GOD!"  
  
  
  
"WHAT IS IT?" Frodo asks anxiously.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I don't think I should say it!" says John shaking.  
  
  
  
  
  
The audience is sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for John to say what he is seeing.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Just fucking say!" yells one audience member extremely miffed. (A/N: *rolls eyes*)  
  
  
  
  
  
"SSSHHHHH!" the rest of the audience yell.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Come on! Let's throw some children!" yells the cameraman. (A/N: Can we burn them?)*(Other author: *rolls eyes*)  
  
  
  
  
  
"Excuse me?" Frodo says slightly alarmed (A/N: only slightly)  
  
  
  
  
  
"I have all that jazz stuck in my head!" John says suddenly.  
  
  
  
  
  
"That's swell. But I wanna know WHAT YOU BLOODY WELL SAW!" Frodo says angrily gripping the arms of the chair.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Okay. I'll tell you. But I should warn you. It's.. Oh it's horrible. It was."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Suddenly a darked haired whore. I mean elf. Came running into the room screaming and waving her arms in the air "FIRE! THERE'S A FIRE!! EVERYBODY RUN!!!!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP!" shouted an angry audience member taking out a gun and shooting her in the head..but the fucking whore just wouldn't die!  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
  
  
Continued A/N: .. Next time. ^_^x (Don't hate us we're just the messengers) 


End file.
